How Alvin Hung Stole Christmas: The Movie/Quotes
Quote 1 lines Narrator: Inside a snowflake like the one on your sleeve, there happened a story…you must see to believe. (camera reveals to the mountains of Whoville) Way up in the mountains in the high range of Pontoos in a small town of Whoville…the home of the Whos! (after title card is shown, birds are shown and cuts to the view of Whoville) Ask any who, and they'll have this to say, "There is no place like Whoville around Christmas Day." Every window was flocked, every lamppost was dressed, and the Whoville Band marched in their Christmas-y best. (after the Whoville marching band is shown) Arbor Day was fine, and Easter was pleasant and every Saint Fizzin's day, they ate a Fizz pheasant. But every Who knew from their twelve toes to their snout, they loved Christmas the most without a single Who doubt. Quote 2 Lou Who: We got a snoozlephone for your brother Drew and a snoozlephone for your brother Stu, a muncle for your uncle, a fant for your aunt and a fandpa for your cousin Leon. So, we just need…. (But Cindy is nowhere to be seen.) Cindy? Offscreen Costumer: Sale on Aisle 3! Lou Who: Cindy Lou! (to people) Merry Christmas. Hello, Myrna. Merry Christmas, Fred. Excuse me. Cindy Lou? Honey? (removes four gifts) Cindy Lou: Dad? Doesn't this seem like a bit much? Lou Who: This is what Christmas is all about! Can't you feel it? Quote 3 Narrator: [as the guy puts a star on top of it] Yes, every Who down in Whoville liked Christmas a lot, but Alvin Hung who lived just North of Whoville… (camera shows hands pulling the lever) did not. Quote 4 Max scares Drew, Stu, and teen Whos away with an ugly wolf Alvin Hung: Well done, Max! (scene cuts to him picking out an onion) Serves them right, those yuletide-loving... sickly-sweet, nog-sucking cheer mongers! I really don't like 'em. Mm-mm. No, I don't. [eats an onion] Max! [Max whimpers] Get my cloak. [Max runs back inside] I've been much too tolerant of these Who-venile delinquents... and their innocent, victimless pranks. [throws away the onion] So, they wanna get to know me, do they? They want to spend a little quality time with me…Alvin Hung. [turns to the camera by using fourth wall breaking] I guess I could use a little... social interaction. [shows off a sinister-looking smile, then scene fades to a few people in blurry vision] Bikers: Merry Christmas! Alvin Hung: [dressed up in a brown coat with rain boots] Oh yeah, you bet. And…stuff. [The bikers fell off, and all their legs and arms are broken.] Oh my! Someone has vandalized that vehicle! You see, Max? The city is a dangerous place. Narrator: Alvin Hung hated Christmas, the whole Christmas season! Alvin Hung: Top of the day, flatfoot! Narrator: Now, please, don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason. Alvin Hung: [gives a saw to little kids] Here's a present for you. Now be sure to run real fast with it. Come on. Double time. Move. Narrator: [as Alvin Hung claps his hands in joy] It could be that his head wasn't screwed on just right, [Alvin Hung pushes a vehicle] or it could be, perhaps, that his shoes were too tight. But I think that the most likely reason of all, may have been that his heart was two sizes too small. Whoville Security Guard: Stranger, won't let you go till you buy a chapeau! [Alvin Hung burps on him.] Quote 5 Lou Who: Boy, nothing beats Christmas, right? Cindy Lou: I guess, and it's just, I look around at you and Mom and everyone getting all kerbobbled. Doesn't this seem…superﬂious? Drew: [runs to Lou Who] Lou! Lou! [pants] Lou Who: [shocked to see the Teen Whos are covered in snow] What happened to you? Stu: It was Alvin Hung! [A record scratch sound effect is heard, the cars are ran over and the people are injured.] Crowd: Alvin? Alvin Hung: [to all the women] What do you want? I mean… [mocks female voice] "Alvin? Oh, no!" [Mayor Augustus shows up.] Mayor Augustus: Did someone just say…Alvin? Quote 6 Mayor Augustus: [to Lou Who] Now, Lou, please tell me that your boys were not up on Mount Crumpit provoking the one creature within a billion bilometers of here who hates Christmas! Stu: But it was Alvin! Lou Who: [interrupts Teen Whos] No, sir, the boys didn't see any Alvin Hung. Drew: It was, and he came after… Lou Who: [interrupts Teen Whos again] I think they were up on the mountain playing with matches, or defacing public property, or…. Mayor Augustus: That's a relief. (to everyone in Whoville) All right, you heard the man: There is no problem here. (Alvin Hung spits water drops at him.) Ow! Cindy Lou: But what's Alvin Hung? Lou Who: Oh, sweetie. You don't need to worry about this guy! I have to go to work and you have to go to school. Cindy Lou: To where? Lou Who: To school? Come on, honey. Quote 7 Lou Who: [to teacher] Uh, Miss Rue Who…I understand you from keeping Cindy after school… Miss Rue Who: Sit down, Lou! Lou Who: Uh...yes, Missus. Quote 8 Cindy Lou: [to Miss Rue Who] All I said was, I plan to do my who-liday report on a mysterious guy called…Alvin Hung. [The whole group of windows are open.] Lou Who: [as the students panic] Well Cindy, you really shouldn't be bringing up, Alvin…Hung. [tries to stand up to get out as his butt gets stuck in his chair] Well, uh, I sure we can work this whole thing out, Miss Rue Who. I know you remember what a-- what a goof-off I was in school. And now look at me. I'm the postmaster of Whoville. Miss Rue Who: By the way, did you ever find my package? Lou Who: No. No, we haven't. Quote 9 Post Office Person 1: Heckavurush! [throws them to someone else in the post office] Post Office Salesperson: Lou, I need there by tomorrow. Post Office Person 4: I need this here today! Post Office Person 2: And I need this here yesterday, Lou! [the people were saying "heck of a rush" as Lou Who uses a ladder] Cindy Lou: Lou…I just don't understand something. Why would anyone say anything about Alvin Hung? Lou Who: For kids and Alvin. You see, Cindy, Alvin Hung is a Who, who always…actually, not a Who. He's more of a…. Cindy Lou: A what? Lou Who: Exactly, honey. And he's a What who doesn't like Christmas. Take a look at his mailbox, sweetie. Not a single Christmas card, in or out. Ever! Cindy Lou: But why? [Lou tries to respond] Post Office Person 2: Lou, where's my mail? Post Office Person 5: Lou! Got the wrong mail here. Post Office Person 4: Lou! l got the wrong mail! Post Office Person 3: Lou, we got a problem! Lou Who: [jumps off the ladder] All right, we'll straighten this out. Quote 10 Alvin Hung: [inside the room with Max] It'll take them years to sort this out. [brings out some cards] This is his and now it's yours, this is hers and now it's his. [accidentally drops card on the floor as Max watches, then runs slowly] And for the rest of you. [turns around and starts throwing mail into wrong boxes] Jury duty, jury duty, jury duty! Blackmail, pink slip! Chain letter, eviction notice! Jury duty! [throws more mail faster with a scheming look and throws the last envelope, then spots at a sorting machine, then turns to Max] Max, let's go. Our work here is finished. [tries to leave just as Max bites his butt] That is not a chew toy! [spins around] You have no idea where it's been, Max! [scene cuts to Lou giving an envelope to Cindy] Lou Who: Would you mind helping me take this to the back room, honey? But, be careful of the sorting machine, right? (leaves as Cindy nods) [scene cuts back as Cindy heads inside] Alvin Hung: [snatches envelope away from Cindy] Give me that! Don't you know you're not supposed to take things that don't belong to you? What's the matter with you, some kind of wild animal? [Cindy shakes her head back and forth.] Let's go. [tries to leave again, but stops walking then squeaks his hands off the glass] In my post office? Is that what you think I was doing? [Cindy nods again.] Wrong-o. [uses gift wrapping] I merely noticed that you were improperly packaged, my dear! [wraps Cindy Lou] Hold still! [to Max] Max, pick out a bow! [wraps Cindy Lou again] Could I use your finger for a second? Quote 11 Lou Who: [spots Cindy covered in wrapping] What the hey? [removes gift wrapping] Cindy, you've been practicing your Christmas wrapping! I am so proud of you. Now, that's holiday. Narrator: [as Lou leaves with Cindy] Sweet little Cindy didn't know what to do. In her head, bum-tumbled a conflict or two. "If Alvin Hung was so bad, then why did he turn that in? Maybe he wasn't so bad." Maybe. Just maybe. [scene cuts to Alvin Hung turning in these cards to people] Alvin Hung: Maybe? I heard you for the first time, but…bleeding hearts of the world unite! [walks away] Stupid narrator. Quote 12 Martha May: [as she meets Betty next door] My, I've never seen so many beautiful Christmas lights, Betty Lou! Betty Lou: Hey, I'd blow every fuse if I tried to keep up with you, Martha May! Martha May: Isn't this antique darling? It's handcrafted and almost 100 years old. Jeez. I'm really impressed! This, however, is new. (turns on Christmas cannon making decorations come out) Lou Who: Whoa…hey! Betty! Sweetie! (as cannon stops decorating, then Martha blows smoke coming out of a cannon) Martha May: Good night, Betty. (hugs Betty by embracing as Augustus's car shows up and Augustus starts walking with Whobris) Mayor Augustus: Martha…hey. I, uh, well, I, uh-- I was out and about, and, well, I, uh-- I thought I'd, uh, uh-- Whobris: Ask you out. Mayor Augustus: You know, this is sort of my deal. Whobris: I won't be a third wheel. Mayor Augustus: Ohh, your button's coming off your coat. Quote 13 Lou Who: [with phone] Hello? [a mumbling sound effect is heard] Is my Sub Zero Chillibrator running? [a mumbling sound effect is heard again] I suppose. [camera reveals to be Alvin Hung] Alvin Hung: Well then you better go and catch it! (hangs up on Lou) Ah, that's a good one. [walks to Dumpit to Mt. Crumpit] Fleas before beauty. Thank you. [to Max] Come on, hurry up, slowpoke. (presses button, then shows the map with a red dot then camera reveals Alvin Hung is inside the slide) Yes, got to be a better way! (camera shows the map again as the red dot bumps back and forth then makes a loop and heads to a stop) Quote 14 Alvin Hung: [about Mt. Crumpit] One man's toxic sludge is another man's potpourri. [Max barks] I don't know, it's some kind of soup. Quote 15 Alvin Hung: [takes the elevator] First floor, factory rejects. But, we did our worst and that's all that matters. Quote 16 Alvin Hung: [after taking a quick shower] Funny she didn't rat on us, though. Anyway, I think we did our dirt…I feel bad, Max. Real bad. (sits on a swing) I'm all…dead inside! [lifts the safe up by riding on it] Whee! [stops and looks at camera by breaking the fourth wall] Dead inside? [long pause] That reminds me. [gets off the swing and turns to scan and X-ray his body with a heart on it] Yes, down a size and a half! [looks at camera with fourth wall breaking again] And this time, I'll keep it off. Quote 17 Alvin Hung: [sits on his bed quickly to answering machine] Any calls? [turns on answering machine] Answering Machine: You have received 116 new messages, and 90 old messages. Alvin Hung: Odd. Better check the outgoing. [presses the "receive" button] Answering Machine with Alvin's Voice: If you utter so much as one syllable…'I'LL HUNT YOU DOWN AND GUT YOU LIKE A FISH!!!' If you like to fax me, then press the star key. Alvin Hung: Hmmm. [ends the message] Oh, well. Quote 18 Alvin Hung: [puts down bottle] I'll tell you, Max. I don't know why I ever leave this place. I got all the company I need…right, here. [uses a humongous strong voice] Hello! [echoes "Hello!"] How are you? [echoes "How are you?"] I asked you first! [echoes "I asked you first" (repeats "first" 3x)] Oh, that's really mature saying exactly what I say! [echoes "Really mature saying exactly what I say" (repeats "say" 6x)] I'm an idiot! [echoes "You're an idiot!" then uses low voice] All right, fine! I'm not talking to you anymore. In fact, I'm going to whisper, so that by the time my voice reverberates off the walls and it gets back to me… [covers his ears] I won't be able to hear it! a long pause and echoes "You're an idiot!" again and he breaks the bottle Am I just eating because I'm bored? Quote 19 Narrator: Cindy Lou has some curious questions to her heart. Why did Alvin Hung hate Christmas? When did it all start? Quote 20 Alvin Hung's Dad: [as the baby in a cradle shows up with a parachute (as a pumbersella)] Hey, honey! My baby's here! [spots on it] He looks just like your boss. Quote 21 Mayor Augustus: [about an eight year old Alvin Hung in school] I don't like discussing about this silly old Alvin Hung so very close to Christmas, but maybe if you hear the truth, you'll understand why-- [to Whobris] Put your back into it! [to Cindy] I tried to take him under my wing. [cuts back to classroom] Young Mayor Augustus: You didn't have a chance with her. You're eight years old and you don't have a beard! Quote 22 Miss Rue Who: Has everyone given their gifts? Young Alvin Hung: I haven't. [The kids gasp in shock. Miss Rue Who sees him with a bag on his head holding a metal angel] Merry Christmas, Martha May. Miss Rue Who: Why do you have a bag on your head? Young Mayor Augustus: Probably because he's embarrassed by that hideodorous gift. [The kids laugh.] Miss Rue Who: Mr. Alvin Hung, please take the bag off. Yes, you. Take it off…put the book down…and your foot. Young Whobris: [sees Young Alvin Hung being young enough for holding a bag] Look at that hack job! [The kids laugh again. This made Young Alvin Hung's look on his face so furious as he throws the metal angel at presents then lifts the tree up] Young Alvin Hung: I…HATE…CHRISTMAS!!! [cuts back to Mayour Augustus at past] Mayor Augustus: The anger. Whobris: [to camera by breaking fourth wall] The fury. Martha May: The muscles. Quote 23 Alvin Hung: [brings out dictionary, hating the Whos] Aardvarkian Abakenezer Who, I…'HATE…YO-O-O-O-O-U!' [birds flew away] Aaron B. Benson Who, I hate…you. Hate, hate, hate! Hate, hate, hate! Double hate…'LOATHE ENTIRELY!!!!' [hears some music down to the edge] Nutcrackers? It's their Whobilation… Narrator: He snarled with a sneer. Alvin Hung: [gasps] Tomorrow's Christmas. It's practically here! [throws dictionary away] Max, bring me my sedatives! [uses sledgehammer] Now to take care of those pesky memories. [hits himself] Quote 24 Mayor Augustus: Do I hear a nomination? Cindy Lou: I nominate Alvin Hung! [The crowd gasps in shock.] Mayor Augustus: My, my, my. What an altruistic daughter you have there, Lou! Let me quote a verse from The Book of Who. "The term 'Alvin Hung-y' shall apply when Christmas spirit is in short supply." Now, I ask you: Does that sound like our holiday cheer-meister? Cindy Lou: True, Mr. May-Who. But The Book of Who says this too: "No matter how different a Who may appear, he will always be welcomed with holiday cheer." Mayor Augustus: [flips some pages] Yes, the book also says, the…. "The award cannot go to Alvin Hung, because sometimes things get the lead-pipe cinch." Cindy Lou: You made that up! It doesn't say that. [The crowd gasps in shock again.] Mayor Augustus: No, it does. Cindy Lou: What page? [The crowd uses an "awwww" catchphrase.] Mayor Augustus: Uh…oops! Lost my place, but it's…it's in here! Cindy Lou: But the book does say: "The cheer-meister is the one who deserves a back slap or a toast. And it goes to the soul at Christmas who needs it most." And I believe that soul is Alvin Hung. And if you're the Whos I hope you are, you will too. Quote 25 Alvin Hung: [covers his ears with a pillow] Blast this Christmas music! It's joyful and triumphant. [puts screws, nails and metal into blenders] Must drown them out! [turns them on with loud noises as Max watches] Not working! Narrator: [as Cindy travels to Mt. Crumpit] The whipper-winds whipped high above the Who town. A trip or a slip you'd slide all the way down. But this girl had a mission. She knew what to do. She'd invite to Alvin Hung herself, that brave Cindy Lou. [scene cuts to Alvin Hung bringing a giant monkey with cymbals] Alvin Hung: Play, monkey! Play! [rides on a jackhammer while vocalizing, then bumps] Owee! Quote 26 [as Cindy Lou spies on Alvin Hung getting injured by the monkey's cymbals, then puts his hands on cymbals then breaks down] Alvin Hung: Hello…teenager. How dare you enter…my own hotel? The insolence, the audacity, the unmitigated gall! You've called down the thunder. Now, get ready… FOR THE BOOOOOOM! Gaze into the face... of fear.' Cindy Lou: Alvin Hung, my name is Cindy Lou Who. Alvin Hung: You see? Even now the tragedy is welling up inside you. Denial is to be expected in the face of pure traditions. (hears a long pause) Doubt?! Another unmistakable sign of the heebie-jeebies! Now, you're… DOOMED! (jumps out of frame, then jumps back in wearing a white t-shirt and making animistic noises, ripping the shirt apart) Run for your life before I kill again! (howls) I'm a psycho. (growls, puts shirt in his mouth, spits it out, jumps around Cindy Lou frantically) Danger, danger! (suddenly stops as he is out of breath) Cindy Lou: Um... maybe you need a time-out. Because…I'm so hot. Alvin Hung: [to audience] Kids today, so desensitized by movies and television. (to Cindy Lou Who) WHAT DO YA WANT!?! (echoes) Cindy Lou: Alvin Hung, I came to invite you... to be holiday cheer-minster. Alvin Hung: Uh... 'Holiday whobie whatie'? Cindy Lou: Cheer-minster. Alvin Hung: Eh? "Cheer-minster. Celebrate with friends." That's a good one. Quote 27 Alvin Hung: [puts megaphone behind Cindy] Am I hearing you correctly? Cindy Lou: [repeats lines] The Holiday Cheer-minster. Quote 28 Cindy Lou: Please, you have to accept the award. Alvin Hung: [stops slowly in 10 seconds] Award? [runs to Cindy] You never mentioned…an award. Cindy Lou: Yeah, with the trophy and everything. Alvin Hung: [quizzically] And I won? You won! [hugs and embraces Cindy] That means there were losers. So, if you come…a town full of losers! Was it emotionally shattered? I think not! Details, details. Cindy Lou: Alvin, that silly old Mayor wasn't happy. Alvin Hung: Oh, no. Martha May will be there, and she'll be on me like fleegle flies on a flat-faced floogle horse. I'm sorry to disappoint you, Martha, baby, but the G train has left the station. I don't know if it's that adorable twinkle in your eye or that nonconformist streak that reminds me of a younger, less hairy me. But you've convinced me. So who knows? This Whobilation could change my entire outlook on life! Cindy Lou: Really? Alvin Hung: No. [pulls rope down, dropping Cindy Lou to the ground] Lou Who: [runs to Cindy] There you are, honey. You can make snow angels later, and we can't be late for the Whobilation! And we gotta get to the lighting contest! Quote 29 [after Mayor Augustus lights up all the Christmas things during a lighting contest and wins a trophy to Martha May, Alvin Hung lands on a sofa] Alvin Hung: The nerve of those Whos inviting me down there on such short notice. Even if I wanted to go, my schedule wouldn't allow it! [flips his datebook open] "4:00 – wallow in self-pity". "4:30 – stare into the abyss". "5:00 – solve world hunger", tell no one. "5:30 – jazzercise". "6:30 – dinner with me". I can't cancel that again. "7:00 – wrestle with my self-loathing"… I'm booked! Of course, if I bump the loathing to 9:00, I could still be done in time to lay in the bed, stare at the ceiling and slip slowly into madness… but what would I wear?! (runs to pull cloth and flips the table and turns to Max) It's not a dress, it's a kilt! (rips it off) Sicko! (tries to wear something else, like the Tin Man outfit) This doesn't fit when it used to. (reveals it has a firebox on his stomach, then tries to wear a hive with a suit covered in bees) This is more of a spring look. Ow, ow, ow! Stupid, ugly! Out of date? This is ridiculous. If I can't find something nice to wear, I'm not going! (hears yodeling sounds, then grabs a cane to murder a yodeler then wears a skinny T-shirt, then twerks his butt) Looking good. Quote 30 Mayor Augustus: [as the Holiday Cheermeister awards had started] It's time for our Holiday Cheermeister Award! [everyone cheers] Congratulations, Mr. Alvin Hung! [notices Alvin Hung is not here] He isn't here! What? He didn't show? Who could've predicted this? Alvin Hung: Alright, I'll stand by for a minute and allow them to envy me, grab a popcorn handful of shrimp and blow me out of here. But what if it's a cruel prank or what if it's a cash bar? How dare they? Alright, I'll go. But I'll be fashionably late. No. Yes. No. Yes. No…yes! (grunts) Definitely not! (tries to walk out the door) I've made my decision. I'm going and that's that. Ah, had my fingers crossed! (drops down to the slide) Maybe I should flip a coin! Quote 31 Alvin Hung: (after a longer pause) Hot crowd! Hot crowd! (a long pause) I'm here to except an award of some kind! And a child mentioned a check. Cindy Lou Who: Wha--? No! No, I didn't! Alvin Hung: Alright, then give me the award! (Mayor Augustus puts his hand on his shoulder.) Mayor Augustus: Don't you worry, Mr. Holiday Cheermeister, you'll get your award. But first, a little family reunion! They nursed you, and they clothed you! Here they are! Alvin Hung: (spots some flirting women) Are you two still living? Quote 32 Mayor Augustus: Now for the moment you've all been waiting for! Alvin Hung: Yes, the award. [to Augustus] And the check. Write the check. Mayor Augustus: Sir, there is no check. Alvin Hung: And I really thought I heard that someone mentioned a check. Mayor Augustus: I said, there is no check! And now it's time for Present Pass it On! As always, we start with our Cheermeister. Quote 33 Alvin Hung: My turn? [Mayor Augustus nodded. He leans in to make out with Betty Lou with his own tongue, then the scene switches to the wristwatch that Mayor Augustus bought earlier during Present Pass it On] Sorry, didn't have time to wrap it. Mayor Augustus: [snatches watch away from Alvin Hung] Hey…that was my watch! Alvin Hung: Oh, so all of a sudden; everything on your wrist belongs to you! (fetches the cufflinks at the major's face) Okay, then you better take your cufflinks back too! Mayor Augustus: He's got nothing! Alvin Hung: That's not true! I am…ordered from the catalog, but they're all backed up and…stuff. Mayor Augustus: Well, don't worry. I bought something…for you." Quote 34 Mayor Augustus: [as game show host] It's a new car! Generously provided by the taxpayers of Whoville. What do you say, Martha? You've got 20 seconds on the clock. Martha May: [as the jingle starts playing] Well…I…these gifts are quite dazzling. [interrupted by Alvin Hung cutting the jingle off] Alvin Hung: Of course they are! That's what it's all about, isn't it? That's what it's always been about! Gifts? Gifts. [repeats the word "gifts" 6 times] Do you want to know what happens to your gifts? They all come to me…in your garbage. You see what I'm saying? In your garbage! I could hang myself with all the bad Christmas neckties I found at the dump, and the avarice… THE AVARICE NEVER ENDS! "I want golf clubs! I want diamonds! I want a pony so I can ride it twice, get bored, and sell it to make GLUE!" Look, I don't wanna make waves, but this whole Christmas season is... stupid, stupid, stupid! (looks up to and advances towards Martha May Whovier) There is, however... one... teeny-tiny... Christmas tradition... I find... quite... meaningful. (snatches up a sprig of mistletoe) Mistletoe. Now, pucker up and kiss it, Whoville! Boi-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-inggggg! (sngrily puts a bit of mistletoe over his butt, and then waggles it, then shaves off the Mayor's hair] Uh, oh. Somebody's... fabul-lo-o-ous! (''quickly runs to his grandpa holding a cup) Excuse me, old timer. Mind if I wet my whistle? (quickly drinks it then throws away) '' Grandpa: Hey! That's my good stuff! Quote 35 Alvin Hung: Taxi! [a taxi passes by] It's because I'm Alvin Hung, isn't it? [spots something in the distance] Stop! [to small Whos] Mind if I ride along? Might wanna scooch over? (sits on a kiddie car) You did the right thing! Quote 36 Alvin Hung: I quite enjoyed that. (opens the Dumpit lid) I hope I get another invite soon. (spots on some people holding a new Christmas tree) Suffering snorkelblatz! They're relentless! (presses the button and lid closes) (scene cuts to the Whos getting ready for their bedtime) Teen Who 1: I go to sleep first! Teen Who 2: No. I can! (turns off lamp, then cuts to Lou Who getting stuck with a swing game) Lou Who: (stuck with the parts of a swing game) Uh-oh. Why…can't…I…put…game…away? (cuts to Betty Lou) Betty Lou: I'm soft! I didn't want it enough! I'll make sure I train harder, and START earlier, and start the day after Christmas. Quote 37 Clock Operator: Only four hours 'til Christmas! Narrator: Yes, Alvin Hung knew tomorrow all the Who girls and boys would wake bright and early and rush for their toys. Alvin Hung: And then... (gasps surprisingly) The noise! The noise, noise, NOISE!!! (about the Whos) They'll bang on tong-tinglers, blow their foo-flounders, they'll crash on jang-jinglers, and bounce on boing-bounders! Narrator: Then the Whos young and old can sit down to a feast, and they'll feast and they'll feast. Alvin Hung: (jumps faster) And they'll feast, feast, feast, FEAST!!!! They'll eat their Who pudding and rare Who roast beast! It is something I cannot stand in the least. (realizing what he's said) Oh, noǃ I'M SPEAKING IN RHY-Y-YMES! AAAHHHH! BLAST YOU, WHOS! [sobs] Quote 38 Alvin Hung: [spots on Max dancing] Are you having a holly, jolly, Christmas? [kicks Max out] Wrong-o! [picks Max up] If you're not going to help me, then you might as well… Quote 39 Alvin Hung: [after a crash dummy test with Max] Airbag's a little slow… [airbags come out] But that's what these tests are for! Quote 40 Alvin Hung: [spots on Santa with binoculars] Fat boy should be finishing up anytime now, talk about a recluse. He only comes out once a year and he never catches any flak for it! Probably lives up there to avoid the taxes. (notices Santa is gone) Oopsie. Forgot about the reindeer. Narrator: Did that stop old Alvin Hung? (Alvin Hung turns to Max.) No. Alvin Hung simply said-- Alvin Hung: If I can't find a reindeer, I'll make one instead. (as Max ran away) Ohhh, Maaaaax-'XXXX'! Narrator: So he called his dog Max, and took some red thread then tied a big horn on the top of his head. Alvin Hung: [as a director] Alright, you're a reindeer, here's your motivation - your name's Rudolph, you're the freak with the red nose and nobody likes you. Then one day, Santa picks you and you save Christmas. [Max stares at him blankly] No, forget that part. We'll improvise, just keep kind of loosy-goosy. You hate Christmas, you're gonna steal it! Saving Christmas is a lousy ending! Way too commercial. [sits down on director's chair and holds up megaphone] ACTION! [Max knocks off the nose. Jumping out of seat, ecstatic] BRILLIANT! You reject your own nose, because it represents the glitter of Commercialism! Why didn't I think of it?! Cut, print, check the gate, moving on. cuts to Alvin Hung starting up the sleigh. Alvin Hung: [turns on sleigh] That…feels…good! Here goes nothing, hot dog! (joyfully) Wow. (laughs evilly) This is nuts! (Max barks) On Crasher, on Thrasher, on Vomit and Blitzkrieg! Quote 41 Alvin Hung: [to Max on the roof] Okay, Max. First stop. Narrator: The old Alvin Hung hissed and the climbed the roof with empty bags in his fist. He'd slide down the chimney, a rather-tied lung. If Santa could do it, so could Alvin Hung. Alvin Hung: [with rope on his feet] He's planning a double-twisting interrupted forward-flying 2-and-a-half with a combo tuck and pike, high degree of difficulty. [jumps higher to the chimney like bungee jumping, then gets stuck] Narrator: He got stuck only once…for a moment or two. Alvin Hung: Blasted water weight! Goes right to my hips. (lands upside down behind a fireplace) Narrator: Then he stuck his head out of the fireplace flue. Alvin Hung: [quietly] A little more stealth, please? I can't hear you over this Christmas music. Narrator: [with low tone] Where the little Who stockings are all hung in a row. [normal voice] He grinned… Alvin Hung: These stockings are the first thing to go! (brings out a jar of moths) Okay fellas, chow time! Quote 42 Narrator: Then he slunk to the icebox. Alvin Hung: Slunk? (opens icebox) Narrator: He eyed the Whos' feast. He ate the Who pudding. And he took…the Roast Beast. Alvin Hung: (tosses the Roast Beast) Hike! Narrator: He cleaned out the icebox just as quick as a flash…and Alvin Hung even ate a can of Who hash. Then he stuffed all the food up the chimney with glee. Alvin Hung grinned-- Alvin Hung: Now, the most important part. (snatches the tree) I'll stuff up the tree! Narrator: Alvin Hung grabbed the tree as he started to shove, but he heard a weird sound like a coo of the dove. Alvin Hung had been caught as Cindy Lou got out of bed as she taught. Cindy Lou: Santa Claus, what are you doing with our tree? Narrator: But you know, Alvin Hung is slick, this thought in his head remembered it quick. Alvin Hung: Why, my sweet adult! Narrator: The fake Santa Claus lied. Alvin Hung: There's a light on this tree that won't light on one side! So, I'm taking you home at morning, young lady! I'll fix it up there, and I'll bring it back here! Cindy Lou: Man, you believed I'm looking at Santa Claus. Alvin Hung: [proudly intelligent] Yeah? Well, that's me. You're Santa. I'm certainly not Alvin Hung, but that's what you're thinking! Cindy Lou: Santa, what's Christmas really all about? Alvin Hung: [sticks his head] Vengeance! Er, I mean, presents. I suppose. Cindy Lou: I was afraid of that. Narrator: Then, he cooled off with a bag of ice on her head, and he got her a drink and he sent her to bed. [long pause] Cindy Lou: Santa.. Alvin Hung: WHAT??? Cindy Lou: Don't forget Mr. Hung. His hands might be cold and clammy. But I think he's actually... sweet. Merry Christmas, Alvin Hung. Alvin Hung: "Sweet"!? You think he's sweet? Narrator: So Cindy Lou went up with her cup. Alvin Hung: [announces 4th wall breaking to the audience watching it] Nice kid. Bad judge of character! [snatches the tree again and throws up the chimney] Narrator: He went to the chimney and stuffed the tree up. Then he went up the chimney himself. On their walls, he left nothing but some hooks and some wire. And the one speck of food that he'd left in the house was a crumb, that was even too small for a mouse. [Alvin Hung (used by a hand) picks the mouse up.] Then he slithered and slunk with a smile most unpleasant, around each Who home, and he took every present. [scene shows a saw cutting a hole right next to the Christmas tree] Alvin Hung: Clearance sale. Everything must go. [As the Christmas stuff is sucked by a vacuum, the cat is sucked on a vacuum too.] What now? [The cat attacks Alvin Hung's face.] Quote 43 Mayor Augustus: Martha, have you ever kissed a man who had lost his tonsils twice? Alvin Hung: [mocks Martha's voice what he had said] No…silly. [brings out Max] But it's an experience that I've had longed for. Kiss me, you fool! Quote 44 Alvin Hung: [as the sleigh runs out of gas and fuel] What are you laughing at, Rudolph? It's all you, Maxie! Narrator: 3,000 feet up to the side of Mt. Crumpit, he rode with his load to the tip-top to dump it. [Alvin Hung gets off the sleigh without any gas and fuel.] Alvin Hung: We…'DID IT!!!!' (repeats "we did it" twice) That wasn't so bad, was it Max? (Max whimpers) They'll be waking up now…and I'll know just what they'll do. All those Whos down in Whoville, will all…cry…(as the Whos singing "boo-hoo") Police Officer: (quickly rushes in police car) What an embarrassment! I've been robbed! [A hook grabs Mayor Augustus' bed, dragging all the way outside.] Lou Who: Mayor Who? Mayor Augustus: Oh, dear. [about Alvin Hung robbing] Well, I wonder who could've done this. Tell you people one thing. (repeats "Invite Alvin Hung destroy Christmas" twice and hits bed) But did anyone listen to me? (short pause) Okay! So, you choose to listen to a little not-to-be-taken-seriously girl who hasn't even grown into her nose yet. Cindy, I hope you're very proud of what you've done. If she isn't, I am. And I'm glad he took our presents. He's glad. You're glad. You're glad everything is gone. You're glad that Alvin Hung virtually wrecked-- No, no, no, no, not wrecked, pulverized Christmas. Is that what I'm hearing from you, Lou? Lou Who: You can't hurt Christmas, Mr. Mayor, because it isn't about the gifts or the contests or the fancy lights. That's what Cindy's been trying to tell everyone, and me; she's been trying to tell me, this is a child. Mayor Augustus: She's my child and she happens to be right, by the way. I don't need anything more for Christmas than this right here, my family. (to whole crowd) Merry Christmas, everybody! Alvin Hung was a thief! Alvin Hung was a thief! Betty Lou: Merry Christmas, you hunk of burnin' Who! (embraces Lou Who by smooching) Quote 45 Alvin Hung: Oh, the wailing and the gnashing of teeth. The bellowing of the bitterly bummed out! It'll be like music to my ears! [strains harder, and stops to hear faint singing] Narrator: Then Alvin Hung heard a sound rising over the snow. It started in low, and it started to grow! But the sound wasn't sad! Why, this sounded merry… but it was merry… Very. Every Who down in Whoville, the tall and the small, were singing without any presents at all. [Alvin Hung climbs down at 8 quarters and a half feet.] He hadn't stopped Christmas from coming. It came. Alvin Hung: [about not stopping Christmas from coming] Somehow or other, it came just the same! [Max whines, backs it up.] Narrator: Then Alvin Hung's feet ice-cold in the snow, stood puzzling and puzzling. Alvin Hung: How could it be so? It came without ribbons! It came without tags! It came without PACKAGES, BOXES OR BAGS!!!! Narrator: And he puzzled and puzzled, 'till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch... thought of something... he hadn't before. He thought-- Alvin Hung: Maybe Christmas doesn't come from a store. Perhaps, maybe Christmas means a little bit more! [gets a sudden thump in his chest] Max, help me! I'm... feeling… [wheezes, and sees his small heart growing] Narrator: Now what happened then? Well, in Whoville, they say, Alvin Hung's small heart grew three sizes that day! [Alvin Hung places his hand on his chest, then sits up and began crying] Alvin Hung: [saddened] What's happening to me? [notices the sun rising, and made him even happy than ever] So, I'm all toasty inside. And I'm leaking! [a record scratch sound effect is heard, the sleigh tries to fall and Max barks] Oh no, the sleigh, the presents. They'll be destroyed and I care! What is the deal? (runs) Wait! Quote 46 Alvin Hung: Oh, well. It's just…toys, right? (spots Cindy Lou on top of a sleigh) Cindy Lou…'WHAT ARE YOU DOING UP THERE?!?' Quote 47 Alvin Hung: (to Lou) Thanks for the help you. (stands up in his sleigh, proudly) Merry Christmas, one and all! (puts his hands on his chest while chuckling) Police Officer: Alright, what do we have here? Alvin Hung: You…got me, Officer! I did it. I'm Alvin Hung who stole Christmas, (to crowd) and I'm…sorry. (the crowd uses another "aw" catchphrase) Aren't you going to cuff me? Put me into choke hold? Blind me with pepper spray? Quote 48 lines Alvin Hung: [to Mayor Augustus] No hard feelings? (long pause, then chuckles evilly) Cheer up, dude! It's Christmas. (scene cuts to him using a red bulb, lighting back up in Whoville) Cindy Lou: [to Alvin Hung] Your cheeks so… Alvin Hung: Stinky? Do I have a zit? Cindy Lou: No…warm. [slowly walks to the Whos in Whoville doing a song sequence about welcoming Christmas] Narrator: So he brought back the toys and the food for the feast and he, he himself, Alvin Hung…carved the Roast Beast. Alvin Hung: Yes. (the crowd cheers in joy) Well…nothing like the holidays. Lou Who: I do. Alvin Hung: Too late. That'll be mine. (scene cuts to mountains in Whoville as the intro scene animates in reverse) Chorus: Where are you, Christmas? / I think I found you / This time, I'll make you stay / With carols singing / And bells will be ringing / Now and forever, Christmas Day (the "The End" title is shown, credits start rolling, then shows Go!Animate Studios logo) Category:Go!Animate Crossover Movie Quotes